Wisdom of Love
“THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES” (Heb. 12:6a).
“Grandma said ‘no’ because she loves you,” my wife said just this week to 3-yearold Timmy. I doubt he understood the reasoning. It must have seemed like a contradiction: “If you love me, why won’t you let me have what I want?”
My dad used to say to me, when he was about to spank me, “This is going to hurt me more than it does you.” How can you trust such a liar‽ Not until years later, when I had my own children, did I begin to comprehend his contradiction.
A child of Timmy’s age, any child, has little or no concept of cause and effect, especially when it comes to consequences of choices or actions. Have you ever heard a child wail in protest when his toy breaks after he hurls it to the floor? “I didn’t see that coming,” doesn’t enter his mind.
Understandably, all he’s focused on is the right-now of his fixation. “Will mommy’s bobby pin fit into this electric outlet?” Cool! “I want to pick up this interesting bug.” (It was a yellow jacket.) “My ball just rolled away; I better get it.” It rolled into the street.
Children aren’t born with an understanding about results. That only comes with age and experience. They need adult over-ride to get there. My first-born once brought me my bible as a toddler. He slid it right down the back of the tub into my bath. It had been my go-to version. Oh well, maybe it needed to be baptized!
One aspect of wisdom is the ability to foresee the consequences of choices. It also fosters the skill of choosing actions which produce positive and beneficial outcomes. Children do not have wisdom! Hence, Linda had to say “no.”
Love for Timmy and being aware of bad outcomes overruled his impulse. How fortunate for him, even though he fussed about it.
Whether it be as simple as chasing a stray ball or something with more complexity like developing destructive attitudes or habits, children have no clue of where these will take them. They need alert adults to help them navigate their choices. Sometimes that adult will intervene in ways that displease the child. So be it. Better to have a displeased child than an injured or damaged one. Besides, they will get past their momentary displeasure; but negative consequences may turn out to be permanent,
Yours for wise love,
Rod MacArthur
206.949.0325
rod_macarthur@comcast.net